I've always been a flirt. I even have photogaphic proof that it went far back to my days as a toddler.
I definitely didn't know the word "coy" back then, but I sure pulled it off well. I've seen that look on other little kids faces - the one where they KNOW they are adorable. Watch out, we grow up to be trouble makers.
Despite my religious upbringing, my family wasn't repressed when it came to matters of romance. We talked openly about love, sex and relationships, something I will always be grateful for. My parents openly flirted with each other (in an appropriate way) and showed affection for one another. My grandfather is quite possibly the biggest flirt I know. From them, I learned to be playful, confident and honest.
I think flirting can have a few contexts. Sometimes, it's just playful. I flirt with everyone. Grocery store clerks. My friends. Old men who hold the door open for me. The mail carrier. Flirting is not always about sex, sometimes it's just about being sassy and bold. Then there is the adult flirting, the expression of new attraction to someone, the game of matching wits. Obviously, intent is wrapped up in flirting and it can be difficult to know what someone wants ultimately from flirting. For me, I'm pretty obvious about it. If I've been flirting with someone and I'm genuinely interested in getting to know/dating/making out in the bathroom with them, I'll tell them.
I have gotten much better at flirting as I've gotten to know myself better. As I have been an adult woman I've become more aware of the signals that I put out to other people. For a long time I would catch myself mid-flirt. Now I know my style. I'm so guilty of the stereotypical physical flirts like playing with my hair, laughing loudly, leaning toward someone, making eye contact and subtle touches (you know, arms... lower back... inner thigh... ass...). But I also love a good intellectual banter mixed with innuendo and perhaps a bit of cheesy winking. Hawt.
Being attracted to people regardless of gender, I find it interesting to compare how my flirting is received by men versus women. One behavior with a man is perceived as flirtatious, but the same behavior directed at a woman is just being friendly. More often, men catch on and flirt back intentionally. With men, flirting can be used as a tool to test the waters for interest. But with women, I could be pulling out all the stops - complimenting her outfit, finding excuses to touch her arm, whispering in her ear - and she just doesn't catch on. I'm guessing this has something to do with social conditioning and that women aren't expecting that "familiar" behavior to be flirting when it's coming from a woman.
I have to admit though, I am often clueless when people are flirting with me. If my focus is elsewhere, I don't often see it right away. I sometimes come right out and ask if someone is flirting with me. This is especially true in online chatting. Just last night, I had to ask a new friend if he was flirting with me (he was, and so was I - and it was fun). When you remove the physical aspect of flirting, it can be tough to detect someone's intention. Then again, it can also provide a medium to be more bold than one would normally be in person. I've enjoyed flirting with a couple of
fellow bloggers I'm getting to know. Always and forever will I love flirting with
Daisybones. Being especially *ahem* aroused by words, I absolutely love a good, flirty banter online.
I also know when to draw the line; flirting is ambiguous, contextual and subjective. What one person may consider flirting, may not hold true for another. I try hard not to make someone uncomfortable, or to confuse playful flirting with real interest. This is where the label can be confusing, because I could be flirtatious with someone and potentially interested in them, but partway through, I decide I'm not. I do my best to navigate these often touchy social interactions in a way that doesn't hurt people.
There can be a negative social stigma attached to people who are labeled "flirts". Some people find flirts to be fake, inauthentic. A quick google search for synonyms produces this:
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| Synonyms: toy, play, philander, seduce, dally, lead on, chat up |
While I'm sure a lot of flirts can also be philanderers, the vast majority of flirty people I interact with are also genuine, real people. Being a flirt doesn't have to mean you are incapable of real intimate interaction. I can be a flirt and be deep, caring, emotional and open. My flirtatious nature is not used as a wall to ward off any other type of interaction, but rather, as a potentially open door to learning more about me.
I think deep down my flirty nature stems from being extroverted, confident and social. Those are excellent qualities that I value in myself, so I embrace my flirtatious side and take with it both the positive and negative connotations. I understand the risks, but I'm ok with them. The benefits outweigh the risk and life really is so much more fun with a little flirting.
I sure hope I get some flirty comments from my readers after this....
Technically I put off all these chores each week. I let things build up. Then, every Monday night I make sure I don't plan to do anything but laundry and general tidying up around my place. This way, I'm not spending every Saturday doing chores. And I can enjoy my Sundays knowing that I have scheduled time to tidy up. Last night I organized all my bills and paperwork, shredded important documents (receipts, bank statements, secret identities for espionage), and took out the recycling.
