I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way

I had a lot of nicknames growing up, some of them too embarrassing to share publicly, but a number of them had to do with me being rather dramatic. I was easily upset as a child by any kind of criticism, as well as loud noises such as balloons popping or parades (tuba's terrified me). I still to this day cannot watch certain kinds of violence in television or movies; sometimes even cartoon violence is too much. Since I come from a family of teasers, I was often called Mona Groana or Theda Bera, both names pointing out my penchant for the dramatic. I cried an awful lot and felt so overwhelmed by my emotions it was sometimes difficult to just carry on a conversation.

This sensitivity lasted well into my teen years and young adulthood. I noticed it particularly when I began dating. I still to this day fall in love rather easily. I know a lot of guys I dated found it difficult to deal with me, because I would upset easily, take things personally and often over-react. I took things people said about me to heart very easily and I knew I needed a better way manage my overwhelmingly sensitive nature.

A few years ago I came across a website devoted to people who called themselves "highly sensitive" - I began to read about the traits and qualities that were attributed to being a highly sensitive person (HSP). Often HSPs were sensitive to loud noises, easily startled, can sense other peoples emotions and are often moody. Additionally, HSPs are also usually very creative, empathetic, and can be very good with group dynamics. Being highly sensitive is also commonly confused with being shy or introverted. While those traits are often found in HSPs, they aren't always, such as in my case. I am highly sensitive, but definitely extroverted overall. I can be shy in new situations, but I definitely gain energy from large groups of close friends, versus introverts who are drained by those kinds of social situations.

I remember feeling like I finally had an explanation for my being able to cry at seemingly silly television commercials! It was such a relief and this understanding helped me explain myself easily to new people. It also helped me learn to give myself a wide birth when dealing with certain situations, to not be so hard on myself (perhaps I'll one day examine my "perfectionist" label) and that I could choose look at my sensitivity as a positive trait overall, rather than something that held me back. Rather than trying to "toughen up" I could simply know my limits, learn strategies to manage my emotions in certain situations where it wasn't appropriate to be emotional (like work for example) and overall just embrace my natural tendency to be sensitive.

While I'm not so sure about the scientific nature of my self-diagnosis, finding this information certainly gave me pause to look at myself from a different angle. I would say I'm still just as sensitive as I always was, but I'm just better at managing it now. I don't feel burdened by it anymore, but rather, I feel special and in some ways, lucky even, to be able to experience the world this way. I believe it helps me with my writing, particularly my poetry.

There is a song on Jewel's first album called "I'm Sensitive" and I've always liked the lyrics; I think she sums up my feelings rather straightforwardly in her chorus:

"So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."

In fact, you can listen to the song right here. I'll leave you with that. Enjoy.