Death & Divorce

In the interest of not letting too much time pass between posts (which seems to be my main theme each time I do post - perhaps I will change the name of my blog to "Laura Without Blog Entries" or something...). I do want to keep my readers updated on things I've posted about previously, especially as labels do have various incarnations.

This past Sunday around 1pm my uncle Lee died due to complications with Parkinson's Disease. I was chatting with my soon-to-be ex-husband the other day and I realized I had not told him about Lee yet. The conversation morphed into this sadness over both the death of my father's younger brother as well as how this month we file the final paperwork for our divorce. I can tell you with certainty that conversations about death and divorce will most certainly end up with you crying.

For me, I began crying at my desk at work. My co-worker came to the front of the office where I sit and consoled me a bit. I went into the bathroom, splashed some cold water on my face and went about my workday.

I began to compare the ritual surrounding both life events. When someone dies, we gather our friends and relatives to mourn together, collectively supporting each other in a large circle of embracing, recalling fond memories and stories of our lost love one, laughing and crying. We say things we think might help ease the pain. We have detailed ceremonies over what happens with the dead one's body. After whatever ceremonial traditions a family prescribes to, one hopes that they all gather in someone's home for food and more stories, crying and hugs.

For divorce there is no such ritual, save for perhaps trips to lawyer's offices, seemingly endless negotiating and often court appearances. My divorce is so simple we don't even have lawyers, since we can file everything ourselves, however I'm finding the whole shift to be rather uneventful. Why don't people come together and mourn your loss collectively? Why don't people have divorce-wakes where people bring you tuna-noodle casserole and share stories of their breakups and hug you. I suppose some women do this - gather their close girlfriends and watch "The Way We We're" and eat chocolate fudge ripple ice cream. And cry. But I think it should be standard. As I near the end of the 91 day waiting period before filing the final paperwork, I find myself wanting a bit of fanfare. Something that mirrors back the ritual of marriage to provide some sort of closure.

I'm very sad this week. I have not slept much and I've felt disconnected from my job. I'm just holding it together really. I do have good things happening, one of which is the birth of a new and exciting writing project (which I will soon post about) along with making some new, hopefully life-long, friends. I'm focusing my eyes on these bits of light coming underneath the doorway into what has been a rather dark room this winter. I'm grateful for those that have been and continue to be there for me for support.

I'm not sure how to end this post or to tie it into a label or to create a grand metaphor that will give me some resolution on the events in my life. Sometimes there isn't anything that can be said or done, but just holding onto whatever keeps you going. For me its writing, food and MOST of all my people. I love you all.