authentic self

I saw this play a long time ago when I was just out of high school. My good friend Haley invited her good friend David and he and I instantly became good friends as well. David is five years younger than me, but after the play someone asked if we were brother and sister and it was just the beginning of an amazing friendship.

The play we saw was really stupid for the most part but one of the characters was called the Pig Woman - town crazy lady who grows plants instead of grass, creates large sculptures in her house, artistic, interesting, creative - someone I'd love to be around, but in the story, she was weird to the other characters. Eventually, the woman coaxes the creativity out of the main character and it turns out his creative outlet is writing and he writes the play we are watching (oh wow, how original -note sarcasm).

However, David and I really bonded some much that night he started calling me his Pig Woman. He said I was going to be his older mentor and we'd have adventures and figure out our creative sides together.

In my life, my Pig Woman is my cousin Sue. I used to babysit for her kids when I was in high school and then she really helped me through some tough times in college. It was nice to have a confidant in the family, plus she was a blast to hang out with and go thrift shopping with. When she lived in northeastern Pennsylvania a few years ago, Cliff and I visited her and I stay for a week. She and I went across the street to the little United Methodist church that was having a rummage sale. However, this was no little rummage sale - the entire basement was filled with clothes and toys and fabric and brick-a-brack and tables and tables of books. It was there that I found an interesting book about finding one's "authentic self" (Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self by Sarah Ban Breathnach). I think she wished she had found it but insisted I keep it. Now before I start sounding too much like Oprah, I will say I haven't read too much of that book, but I did really take the overall theme to heart. Much like the work of an archaeologist, we have to dig to the deeper places to find our authentic self; it can be a long process and often takes a lifetime. I really feel like that idea, that image, sums up the work I've been doing these past few years.

Well I talked with her last night about life and love and the family in general and towards the end of the conversation she said "You sound like you are doing a lot better."

Despite the stress, despite the frustration with gossip amongst my family, despite my sporadic struggle with self-esteem, despite me being unsure where I'll be next year, five years, 25 years from now - I am feeling closer to my authentic self than ever before.

"I am doing a lot better," I said.
"I like it," she responded.
"Me too!" I said.

We both laughed.