Flirt *wink*

I've always been a flirt. I even have photogaphic proof that it went far back to my days as a toddler.


I definitely didn't know the word "coy" back then, but I sure pulled it off well. I've seen that look on other little kids faces - the one where they KNOW they are adorable. Watch out, we grow up to be trouble makers.

Despite my religious upbringing, my family wasn't repressed when it came to matters of romance. We talked openly about love, sex and relationships, something I will always be grateful for. My parents openly flirted with each other (in an appropriate way) and showed affection for one another. My grandfather is quite possibly the biggest flirt I know. From them, I learned to be playful, confident and honest.

I think flirting can have a few contexts. Sometimes, it's just playful. I flirt with everyone. Grocery store clerks. My friends. Old men who hold the door open for me. The mail carrier. Flirting is not always about sex, sometimes it's just about being sassy and bold. Then there is the adult flirting, the expression of new attraction to someone, the game of matching wits. Obviously, intent is wrapped up in flirting and it can be difficult to know what someone wants ultimately from flirting. For me, I'm pretty obvious about it. If I've been flirting with someone and I'm genuinely interested in getting to know/dating/making out in the bathroom with them, I'll tell them.

I have gotten much better at flirting as I've gotten to know myself better. As I have been an adult woman I've become more aware of the signals that I put out to other people. For a long time I would catch myself mid-flirt. Now I know my style. I'm so guilty of the stereotypical physical flirts like playing with my hair, laughing loudly, leaning toward someone, making eye contact and subtle touches (you know, arms... lower back... inner thigh... ass...). But I also love a good intellectual banter mixed with innuendo and perhaps a bit of cheesy winking. Hawt.

Being attracted to people regardless of gender, I find it interesting to compare how my flirting is received by men versus women. One behavior with a man is perceived as flirtatious, but the same behavior directed at a woman is just being friendly. More often, men catch on and flirt back intentionally. With men, flirting can be used as a tool to test the waters for interest. But with women, I could be pulling out all the stops - complimenting her outfit, finding excuses to touch her arm, whispering in her ear - and she just doesn't catch on. I'm guessing this has something to do with social conditioning and that women aren't expecting that "familiar" behavior to be flirting when it's coming from a woman.

I have to admit though, I am often clueless when people are flirting with me. If my focus is elsewhere, I don't often see it right away. I sometimes come right out and ask if someone is flirting with me. This is especially true in online chatting. Just last night, I had to ask a new friend if he was flirting with me (he was, and so was I - and it was fun). When you remove the physical aspect of flirting, it can be tough to detect someone's intention. Then again, it can also provide a medium to be more bold than one would normally be in person. I've enjoyed flirting with a couple of fellow bloggers I'm getting to know. Always and forever will I love flirting with Daisybones. Being especially *ahem* aroused by words, I absolutely love a good, flirty banter online.

I also know when to draw the line; flirting is ambiguous, contextual and subjective. What one person may consider flirting, may not hold true for another. I try hard not to make someone uncomfortable, or to confuse playful flirting with real interest. This is where the label can be confusing, because I could be flirtatious with someone and potentially interested in them, but partway through, I decide I'm not. I do my best to navigate these often touchy social interactions in a way that doesn't hurt people.

There can be a negative social stigma attached to people who are labeled "flirts". Some people find flirts to be fake, inauthentic. A quick google search for synonyms produces this:

Synonyms: toy, play, philander, seduce, dally, lead on, chat up

While I'm sure a lot of flirts can also be philanderers, the vast majority of flirty people I interact with are also genuine, real people. Being a flirt doesn't have to mean you are incapable of real intimate interaction. I can be a flirt and be deep, caring, emotional and open. My flirtatious nature is not used as a wall to ward off any other type of interaction, but rather, as a potentially open door to learning more about me.

I think deep down my flirty nature stems from being extroverted, confident and social. Those are excellent qualities that I value in myself, so I embrace my flirtatious side and take with it both the positive and negative connotations. I understand the risks, but I'm ok with them. The benefits outweigh the risk and life really is so much more fun with a little flirting.

I sure hope I get some flirty comments from my readers after this....

life update

Lots going on this week, but hopefully not as crazy as last week. I think I counted and I saw over 20 of my close friends last week. How can someone have 20 close friends? When they make time for them! I sometimes wonder if someone could be a professional friend. I'd be good at it. Ah the capitalist in me is always looking to make money doing something I like.

I have a new website up over at Weave. Looks soooo good. W00t.

There is also another meeting of Drinking Skeptically in Pittsburgh this Friday. Details can be found here. Or here. Or here. We are all over the intarwebs!

Might have some dinner with some friends here and there and I'm considering going to Hemingway's Summer Poetry Series in Oakland. More info here.

So I've recently been deemed manager of the Typewriter Girls. I actually offered to help because I saw a need and they welcomed me with open arms. Yesterday's mini-show at the Carnegie Library went incredibly well and so we all went to celebrate afterward at Mad Mex.

Tonight is Read & Write night in my household. It's also Catch Up On Your Chores night, sadly. I have a sink full of dishes and two poetry books to read. Good thing the books are there to help me procrastinate on cleaning.

100% Honest Day!!!

So I am participating in a fun blog theme called Be 100% Honest Day. Started by the lovely Dana at My Gorgeous Somewhere (she and I will soon be married on Facebook), here is her synopsis:

"Tomorrow, a one-day event: Dana’s Be 100% Honest Day. Swing by. Ask questions. You are sure to get interesting answers. And don’t you think I am only doing this on the ’nets and such. I am so fuckin’ ballsy ridiculously stoopid self-assured that I will be doing this from waking until I turn in for the night, everywhere and with everyone."

During the course of the day, I can say "no comment" three times. I will make myself as available as possible, however, I do have to actually work at work sometimes. But if I get bogged down, I'll catch up tonight. Yippee! Yay! Bring it!

*Note: I will post my answer in the comment section below*

Label Correlation: Bisexual Lady Writers

Lately I've noticed I suddenly have a ton of female writer friends who are also bisexual. This got me thinking about how a lot of characteristics seem to come hand-in-hand. It could also be that, I've just narrowed in on like-minded people in my area. Just in the last week I have had four instances where friends of mine know each other through other means. Especially with the folks I have dated or am currently dating: they all seem to have dated one another! I think I've really cornered the market on geeky, smart, secular, non-monogamous, 20-somethings in Pittsburgh. Then again, there are only so many people who can fit that description. I'm beginning to empathize with how Kevin Bacon must feel....

I'm not complaining about meeting all the lovely bi-lady writers. It seems Margaret had already tapped into this little niche community. Apparently I missed my true calling and should have studied creative writing at Carlow. That's where they all congregate.

Again though, I wonder why this convergence happens. Why is this pattern so common? Or is it only common because that's my sample and I'm just not friends with enough straight poet ladies? Then I often begin assuming that all cute poet ladies in their 20's must be bi (that usually results in some unrequited crushing on my part). I also think the internet helps in big way - its very easy to quickly find people you have a ton of things in common with, no matter how random or uncommon your interests and qualities are.

So what characteristic correlations do you observe in your life? Is this just part of the process of getting older that we eventually create a network of people who are just like us? What do you think it says about human nature that so many people seem to have similar life experiences?

Poetry Caravan Series

I was invited to read at Your Inner Vagabond's Poetry Caravan Series this Thursday at 8pm.

"...the Poetry Caravan is a place for new and emerging writers from all literary disciplines to hone & showcase their writings in front of an appreciative & supportive audience."

Cost: FREE & BYOB!
All Ages.

More info: YourInnerVagabond

I'm a little bit nervous since I have read my own poetry since my sophomore year in college. I think I'll be okay though. Margaret will also be reading. She's so badass.

You should definitely be there.

scatterbrain spider web

I'm back from visiting my super dear friend daisybones and we had such a great time. It's nice when friendships that being virtually can translate to an easy familiarity in real life. I'm really looking forward to another visit soon. Perhaps a camping trip!

So I think I've mentioned here before that I have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). I liken my experiences with being ADHD to a web. It is not my first instinct to approach a situation linearly. I prefer to assess a given situation and determine all the tasks involved and work on them simultaneously, sometimes resulting in higher efficiency. I've had to teach myself how to devote myself to one task only from start to finish. Even this blog post was written in between chat conversations, email checking, phone calls and coffee breaks.

I think the "H" portion of the label was much truer when I was younger, as I've mellowed out a bit. I do like to stay really busy though, so perhaps I translate my hyperactivity into just having lots of plans and tasks. But my inability to focus for very long on any ONE task is still very apparent despite medication, although it helps immensely overall. Even though its extremely difficult for me to focus on any one task for a long time period, sometimes I can get into something called "hyperfocus" - especially in conversation with someone new. I manage to block out all other sensory input and completely zone in on what someone is saying (particularly if said person is cute). ADHD is a very strange disorder that has contradicting symptoms.

For the most part I'm crazy good at multitasking. At work I can talk on the phone while typing an email and look up info for someone online. I can make copies and engage a coworker in a conversation while silmultaneously filing. Although that whole "attention to detail" thing completely escape me. I'm into big ideas, large complex tasks that need done efficiently. I like getting work done quickly (so I have time to blog afterward).

Multitasking in my personal life can be fun. When I have to clean my apartment it usually ends up taking hours, but every room gets tidied. I'll start picking up dirty dishes and then go run water in the sink to wash them. While said sink is filling, I might take all the dirty dish towels and put them in the laundry. While I'm there I'll organize a load of whites and on my way to start it turn off the running water in the sink. On my way back up I'll remember the garbage needs emptied... and so on, just kind of flitting around but eventually, things get done.

Of course, it's not all positive. I forget important tasks at work if I don't write them down. I miss appointments. Just this minute I remembered I need to schedule my car inspection (score!). But I also double book myself and have to cancel plans. I can get overwhelmed easily. I have had to schedule my life into a routine and it can be very difficult emotionally when that routine is changed. I also invest emotionally in plans and when they are canceled, I have to mourn that loss. I think that is the hyperfocus rearing its head.

Overall though, I don't mind being ADHD. I think a lot of really creative people are. I am sure that is a stereotype of sorts - the crazy, scatterbrained artist who can't ever find her cell phone (in fact, where IS my phone...?). I don't accept everything about this label but the same is true for all labels. Especially when it comes to mental health, people have a tendency to let a diagnosis limit them because for some reason it's more true if a doctor tells you "Laura, you have ADHD". But since examining the label and realizing I do have the symptoms, I don't think its all bad. My ADHD makes me more imaginative, graceful, and competent. I'm not linear, I move in webs and spirals. I can spin that web and make dinner while catching up on my blog reading. So if the downside is it also makes me a little crazed now and again, I'll take that. Because to me, the alternative seems - well, boring. And I'm anything but that.

the (anti)slacker and state traveler

Yeah so I've been slacking on the hardcore, in depth, personal label examinations here. I've got a ton of new projects going on and I'm honestly not sure how I am going to keep up with everything and also find the time to, say, read a book. Audiobooks are quickly becoming a necessity.

So while I may be letting things slack a bit here, Margaret and I did finalize our contributors list over at Weave Magazine. I also get to be involved in more behind the scenes work with The Typewriter Girls upcoming shows. I started a social event for area skeptics and I'm working for the CFI Pittsburgh to promote their events on Facebook. Yeah, so I'm a bit busy.

I'm also doing a lot of traveling this summer. This weekend I'm going to visit Ms. Daisybones and party down. Can't wait to meet her daughter. In two weeks I take a day trip to a writing conference in Ligonier, PA were Weave will be participating in a panel-type discussion. Then I have a family camping trip planned for mid-august somewhere in the Laurel Highlands and of course, Kerouac Fest the following weekend in Windbur, PA.

Yay for awesome travel in Appalachia and for busyness!